| oh love... |
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| 09:14pm 01/03/2004 |
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mood:  cold music: postal service- district sleeps alone tonight
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<3 amy linnea odanavich
haha, happy birthday dollface. |
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| so would i be out of line, if i said i miss you? |
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| 03:27pm 15/02/2004 |
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mood:  chipper music: the lyndsay diaries- how we kill ourselves
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<3
so yesterday was valentines, fab to the max. valentines is without a doubt one of my favorite days of the year, so needless to say i was feelin it. especially because... IT SNOWED. i shit you not, san antonio texas saw a miniscule amout of snow on February 14th 2004. (but hay, snow nevertheless). it was beautiful, and probably the most real snow i will ever see. it was hands down the best day. the only thing that could have made it any better was a valentine. haha o0oo0o but there was an investment made in flowers for me, which was very cool. two very enthusiastic thumbs up for kevin. i didnt end up doing a whole lot, the highlight of my day was going to the soccer game against oconnor with robbie, one of my favorite kids for sure. we won 1-0. <3
Stefanies birthday was on the 5th, and it was 'rad'. we went out to eat and all that good stuff, and shes been drivin me around some.i feel really bad. four more months and i can return the favor. my gawd i cannot wait, this whole lack of license bizz is ridiculous. if i dont have to pay for my own gas i will be everywhere. i cant wait to see everyone that i havent been able to touch base with in along time because of lack of transportation, especially eric.
he's definetly one that ive really missed.
the greatest thing happened about 2 weeks ago. i got a letter from Duke. i know im retarted but i still havent opened it. im possitive it doesnt say anything besides "work hard for the next 2 and 1/2 years and if you get lucky we will look at you" but still. the fact that they even bothered to look at my psat scores or anything is jawdropping. <3blue devils<3
if all else fails, i can always just go to some tiny lil pimp ass art college. which is probably where i will end up anyway. hopefully one in <3california. |
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| 08:21pm 02/02/2004 |
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amy owns you.
all of you. |
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| if looks could really kill, my profession would be staring. |
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| 12:52am 31/01/2004 |
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mood:  bored music: deathcab for cutie- tiny vessels
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Name: Ashlie Stull
Piercings: 2 holes in my ears
Tattoos: maybe a little tiny one later. yeehaw
Height: 5 even
Shoe size: 6
Hair color: brown
Siblings: 1 punkass sister.
LAST...
Movie you rented: White Oleander. <3<3
Movie you bought: finding nemo. crush is hot shat
Song you listened to: pete yorn- crystal village (heh.. yah i know)
Song that was stuck in your head: Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis
CD you listened to: brand new
Person you've called: kelli turner <3
Person that's called you: travis
TV show you've watched: emmm... something on fuse
Person you were thinking of: brandon cause his stuff just came on on my playlist
DO...
You have a crush on someone: :-)
You wish you could live somewhere else: everyday
You think about suicide:
You believe in online dating: nuh uh!
Others find you attractive: pfffffft
You want more piercings: cartlidge. (lets pretend thats spelled right shall we?) and then im done.
You like cleaning: when im in a mood.
You like roller coasters: depends which one and who with.
You write in cursive or print: print. i dont think i remember how to write in cursive?
FOR OR AGAINST...
Long distance relationships: against. dumb
Using someone: hardcore against
Suicide: against
Killing people: hahah...
Teenage smoking: againsssssssttt. smoking is bad for you.
Driving drunk: 100% against, what losers.
Gay/lesbian relationships: against. except me and stef, and cassy. thats totally different. BAHAH
Soap operas: "NO!! JUAN!! POR QUE!? ::sobs::"
HAVE YOU...
Ever cried over a girl: oh yah. i cant stand it when people dont like me. especially if its a girl, and especially for no reason. because im ridiculous like that.
Ever cried over a boy: erm... yah but not for the reason i think is being implied.
Ever lied to someone: yes
Ever been in a fist fight: haha never, im a weasel.
Ever been arrested: well that one time, crossing the border...
NUMBER...
Of times I have been in love: </3
Of times I have had my heart broken: (see above) tons n tons n tons.
Of hearts I have broken: i certainly hope none.
Of boys I have kissed: em.. 3 or 4? yes ashlie you are ridiculous.
Of girls I have kissed: none on the mouth. ickaaaay
Of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: hah, so not getting into that.
Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: a few when i was like 12.
Of scars on my body: haha, alot. all with great stories tho so its okay.
Of things in my past that I regret: nothing at the moment... im in a pretty good place right now. (haha oh man please dont come back to bite me in the ass soon)
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
Pretty – ::puts on a paper sack::
Funny – never intentionally
Hot – i beg your pardon?
Friendly – of all things, yes very.
Amusing – if youre a jerk like that.
Ugly – ::crosses eyes::
Loveable – maybe to a few?
Caring - very very.
Sweet – if i wanna
Dorky - hmmm...
FAVORITE:
actor/actress: oh wow... overload...
Candy: melted m&ms (plain)
Cartoon: daria
Cereal: LIFE
Chewing gum: dont chew much gum. braces are the pits. :-(
Color(s): pink.pink.pink.pink.pink.pink.
Day of week: friday nights
Least fave day: tuesdays
Flower: daisies
Jello flavor: haha who cares. always room for jello.
Jewelry: james avery, anything silver is gorgeous.
Special skills/talents: haha define talent...
Summer/Winter: summer. as if thats even a question.
Trampolines or swimming pools: trampoline, all day all night.
PERSON WHO LAST...
Slept in your bed: me obviously.
Saw you cry: cassy
Made you cry: eric
You went to the movies with: katie, tyler, and lee
Sent you an email: shannon curry
HAVE YOU EVER...
Said "I love you" and meant it?: you wont hear it if its not true
Gone out in public in your pajamas: haha yah
Kept a secret from everyone: mmhm
Cried during a movie: all the time :-(
Wished you were the opposite sex: no penis' are ugly.
What time is it now?: 1:35AM biatch.
Apples or bananas?: apples for president.
Blue or red?: for what?
Walmart or target?: target. for sure.
Spring or Fall?: spring, the clothes are cuter and school is half way done.
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: sleep
What was the last meal you ate?: im a snack kinda girl.
High school or college?: college, save the drama for yo mama.
Last noise you heard?: train
Last smell you sniffed?: oranges
Last time you went out of state/province?: omg i cant remember. but thats okay, with spring break comes california and with summer comes everywhere else. <3
FRIENDSHIP/LOVE
Do you believe in love at first sight?: not even
Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: awe definetly. i dont know but i wont be a jerk and just have one.
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: fun andddddd a deep caring. thats bout it.
OTHER INFO...
Criminal record?: :-)
Do you speak any other languages?: not fluenty
Last book you read: the lovely bones
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom: my pictures, my loud sterio
Thing you dislike about yourself the most: smile. yarg you dr.ryan and your 4 years of braces that havent done jack shat.
Worst feeling in the world: regret
Who you love: i tell you everyday.
Who you miss: justin padron.
FINISH THE SENTENCE...
I Love to... laugh until my stomache hurts.
I Miss... holding hands.
I Wish... i had 2 plane tickets to someplace ive never been
I Hope... that all this really painful waiting around pays off
I'm Annoyed by... people telling me what is and isnt do-able.
I Am... so0o0o0o sleepy.
I Want to Be... a well paid photographer.
I Would Never... do anything to hurt some one on purpose
I'd Rather... road trip.
I Am Tired of... being so dependant on so many people still.
I Will Always be... stuck on this one damn kid </3 |
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| xscreamngsilence (6:37:42 PM): you need to update your effing journal, whore. |
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| 05:24pm 30/01/2004 |
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mood:  busy music: incubus- megalomaniac
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I _____ ashlie.
ashlie is____.
If I were alone in a room with ashlie, I would _____.
I think ashlie should _____.
ashlie needs _____.
I want to ____ ashlie.
ashlie can ____ my ____.
Someday ashlie will _____.
ashlie minds me of _____.
Without ashlie, _____.
ashlie can be _____.
_____ is how I describe meeting ashlie.
Worst thing about ashlie is _____.
Best thing about ashlie is _____.
I am ________ with ashlie.
yah. call it a quick fix.
and obviously stolen.
but its the best i can do right now...
</3 |
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| and she said, "you see... this is why i'd rather be.. alone." |
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| 03:22pm 22/01/2004 |
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mood: broken music: count the stars- fireflies
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its been an insanely long time, meaning i have a ridiculous amount to write. hang tough, i'll explain everything in as few words as i know how.
Ground Zero was amazing. i dont really know what i can say to give it justice, there arent enough adjectives in my limited vocabulary. I absolutely fell in love with everyone there, and was very dissappoined when the weekend ended. <3 travis crim and jonah werner <3 could not have been any better. i bought two jonah cds and took a picture with him... in front of his gf..., occasionally i grow balls. thank you katieface, kaylahead, lizzo, karahoss, and allicat. you made my trip so much better.
i got my heart seriously broken last night, and consequently only made it until 10:00 at school this morning. you dont have to tell me i am ridiculous, trust me i already know. tomorrow i wont be such a weasel. for sure. i never really realized how big of a stab in the heart the word "regret" is. kill me. that was the worst thing ive ever been told, that i am regretted. and better still... the battle is only half over. love recklessly right?
i'll be lucky if i come out of all this not extremely jaded.
on a brighter side, i absolutely adore zach petty and stefanie. and i want my children to hook up with their children. for sure. Stefanies birthday is dangerously close. and i'm so excited for her. being 16 kicks major ass.
and a note on things that kick ass: AFI, THURSDAY, and COHEED AND CAMBRIA are coming in march. needless to say when louis told me yesterday i almost wet myself. it was wonderful. as of right now stefanie and i making an appearance is a definite thing. <3 <3 <3.
Why don't you try harder next time.
You're better safe than sorry but I'm gone
and never coming back again.
So now you think I'm crazy.
Now you know I'm not the one. Who cares.
she's gone away and left you sad and lonely.
The world you knew before is gone.
And you wish that she would
call to say,
"you know I'm sad and lonely and everything before is everything I had." </3
ps. brandon morales sent me some of his songs last night, and now i'm completely taken with him. ;-) |
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| 16 candles... |
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| 05:10pm 14/01/2004 |
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mood:  crazy music: hidden in plain view- shamans whitches magic
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLUT!!
hahahhaha jay to the kay
love you baby!
<3 <3 krystal = the shit <3 <3 <3 |
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| am i worshipping or am I tributing? crumbling, ripping and failing. |
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| 03:21pm 04/01/2004 |
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mood:  anxious music: brand new- the boy who blocked his own shot
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bordum to the max. its terrible. i cant believe its sunday already and i have to go back to school on tuesday. come on, kill me. i'm not ready for the stress yet. the break has been really good though, not nearly what i was expecting at all. friday night i went over to stefs around 9ish and just crashed over there. once again, my obsessage over the camera came into play (sorry stef!). i got some really great shots of her though. anyone else voluntering to be my camera biatch im sure she would love the break. (for real).
so we watched white oleander as well. ive seen it more times than i can count but for some reason it never gets old. we were going to go see peter pan but that idea ended up going out the window so i left around 5. very good time. i think "petuh" will be on video by the time katie-crackwhore gets ungrounded so we'll probably just rent it then.
jk dollface. <3 <3 <3
my cousins came in last night and i saw fletcher earlier for the first time in about a month, but with the exception of that my winter break is coming to a pretty dull close. hopefully more is to come in the remaining two days so i can psych myself up for second semester. josh let me know that his band has a "gig" on the 31st. no idea what kinda music they play or if i will even be into it, but i'll be there. im great with support. (haha plus, ashlie = STARVED for live music). o0o o0o0 o0o0o i had the san fransisco conversation with my dad, and it looks like the plan is a go. im finally getting out of town.
away with these nightmares
away with suburbia
shake down away
you marry a role and
you give up your soul til you break down
"it's me and the moon," she says...
what do you say we go for a ride
what do you say we get high
im so tired of days that feel like the night.
</3 |
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| xscreamngsilence (8:26:42 AM): i'm not fly. i'm not, dope. |
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| 01:48pm 02/01/2004 |
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mood: amused music: matchbook romance- your stories my alibis
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so i mentioned that my camera is the one true love in my life, and if i didnt suck i would totally be a photographer when i grow up. well i was experimenting with some black and white film and a new lense shortly before christmas and i made poor stefanie my camera whore. when i figure out how to shrink them, more will be up later...
<3. i hate beautiful girls. |
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| que sera? erotic hurrah. it's cool. be cool, girl. |
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| 09:43pm 01/01/2004 |
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mood: crappy music: mad at gravity- this collision
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its been an all around bad day, and i need some icecream...
i need to shake this mood somehow. i cant wait till summer, and my license, and the day i can get away for real. i get to run away to california! how terribly awesome is that. and whats even better... i get company. thats all i need to think about on days like this. that, and front rows at baseball games.
Robbie wasnt feeling too well earlier, and i got scared. fortunetly for me i talked with him a little bit ago and he seemed alot better. so glad. love the kid, even though most of the time he wants to fight me.
kapono33303: i got a big ass, what can i say?
ashliemonster06: haha cant say that ive noticed
kapono33303: sucks for you.
hahahha. be on the lookout for that one.
Cassy went into the ER today. she was being a hardass at soccer and while scoring one of her 2 billion goals most likely tore somethin in her knee. so now right before the season starts, shes stuck in crutches and a brace. suckage.
i love you cass.<3
cassy helped me figure out that i was right about what i suspect i needed. and it makes me sad, because thats the last thing i want to need. i guess its true, "life's what happens when you're busy making other plans". i really need to be rescued about now, any volunteers?
</3 Staring into the bright contrast of my dark room.
I can almost feel you here with me.
Your words flow in front of my eyes like aloe to sunburn,
with your face on the back of my eyelids.
I'm waiting to see your face in front of my eyes
Because all I have are your pictures.
I remember the night we talked for hours in the park.
We played like children on the swings.
I couldn't bring myself to say the words that came to my mind,
Because your face was brighter than the lamps that lit the streets...
peace. |
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| watching the sky, cursing the ground... |
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| 11:31pm 30/12/2003 |
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mood:  frustrated music: something corporate- me and the moon
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okay so the bowl game sucked. for real. nebraska won by alot so it wasnt interesting at all. we left at the beginning of the 4th quarter, it ended up 17-3 i think. so yah the upside of it was we got to hang out with a bunch of old drunk nebraskan people and their kids... freakin fantastic. druken idiots. i slept over at the wonderful miss katie's afterwards, always a good time. and also because she is so wonderful... she gave me probably the coolest pair of shoes ive owned to date. kp... you spoil me. i came home this afternoon and went to work out with my trainer. yah, gayer than male ass grabbing in a ballet. needless to say i am now a walking pulled muscle. much love for homecourt america.
cassy and i went to clemens tonight to watch the basketball game. must be somethin in the water in schertz because every single kid was a pole. it was crazy. i have never seen so many hardcore thin people in one room in my life. unfortunetly bulk was not enough because we lost, jv by 33 and varsity by 3. not a complete waste of time, we had fun and i got what i asked for, i got out of town. even if only a couple mins outside city limits.
i'm in one of those weird moods where im tired. its not a sleep thing, that's been established. i think its more of a... numb frusteration. i hate having no idea what i need, and even worse having an idea of what i need and being scared that i'm right.
</3 im a sad star in the sky
death has shifted my projecting light
and i dont know how to fly anymore
will somebody please send me a reason
as to why my light is going out
all i said was that i wasnt sure about the sun rising the next day
-written by skyler
(ahhhh why is he so amazing???)
later. |
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| People whisper it makes her nervous... |
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| 02:17am 29/12/2003 |
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mood: restless music: glassjaw- cosmopolitan bloodloss
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2 in the morning. fabulous. well today i went to SAC to watch <3 stef krystal and cammie <3 in their volleyball tournament. it was great... some girl hit one pretty hard and almost broke my nose :-(. thats okay, would have been the making of an amazing brady bunch moment. i didnt stay for all the games, just the 1st. they lost to viper but i think they did badass. absolutely halarius team to watch beacuse they all love eachother so much.
katie is back! HELLS YES! ive missed her so much. i havent seen her in a good while but we have alamo bowl tickets for tomorrow... (or today i guess since its early in the a.m). rock on, very exciting. i've been informed we're making a stop at the darr's first. we're tailgating or something. im happy that kate is home but at the same time insanely jealous that she got to be out of town. i need out of town BADLY. we might get to go to san fransico together this summer if i can talk my parents into a ticket. i cant even imagine how absolutely sic that would be. if i dont get to go this summer, summer between senior year and college for sure. haha and eric has volunteered to come with me, what a great kid. san antonio kills me, if i dont get into college out of state i dont know what i'm going to do. i'll probably have to go on prozac. we'll see, hopefully i dont give myself a major anxiety attack.
xscreamngsilence (2:18:59 AM): We'll tear your heart right out of your chest
You're already dead
You can surrender
Or savor the scent of your old victories
We'll steal the fire out of your eyes
Turn it on you
We are the thorn in your side
And a bullet to blow you apart
stefanie + ashlie = badass.
^^^HAHAHHAHA
<3 and tonight will go on forever.
while we walk around this town
like we own the streets.
and stay awake through summer
like we own the heat.
singin' "everybody wake up,
it's time to get down"
later. |
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| " we are the most impassioned ugly people..." |
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| 05:56pm 25/12/2003 |
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mood: mellow music: longwave- tidalwave
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Christmas... awesome. the day has been extremely slow but a great day still. the whole immediate fam is here, so lots of gossip and lots of alcohol. in the words of the fabulous emily ulman... " who invented eggnog anyway? did someone just randomly find themselves thinking, *hmmm, i'd like to get a little drunk, but i think i'd like some pancakes too.*?" i actually got alot of stuff this year, but it's all going back with the exception of three things. i feel guilty. i got some james avery, and mp3 player, and (thank gawd...) A DIGITAL CAMERA. so excited. don't get me wrong, i have an amazing camera with some amazing lenses but it sucks having to wait and take it in to get developed. i guess my dad figured out this way is cheaper than making me my own darkroom. i've been getting alot of great stuff on black and white film, hopefully my room will end up looking badass as a result. i also got some less that cute purses and some really hideous clothes. one skirt especially, looks like i'm wearing a pink, black, and white dishtowel. my sister for some odd reason felt compelled to buy me a j-lo lookin velour jump suit thing from AE. yah, ....wtf. my family knows me so well it's amazing (pffff!). i'm thinking of getting a big tattoo or something when im 18 just to see their reaction. i'm beginning to think half the things i do are for the sole purpose of watching them drop dead. if i would have dyed my hair black back when i wanted to they all would have crapped their pants. no doubt.
i haven't been to a show in awhile. *tears*. but stef's license isn't too far offshore so that should be amazing.
</3 you want apologies?
well you might hold your breath
until your breathing stops forever.
the only thing you'll ever get
is this curse on your lips
i hope they taste of me forever.
with every breath i wish your body will be broken again
^^haha.. damn. <3
later. |
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| so swallow your pride and drown... |
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| 12:56pm 24/12/2003 |
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mood:  contemplative music: nonpoint- what a day
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so this is my first lj entry... hawt right? it's a lil odd that i've been procrastinating on this for so long and Christmas Eve is the day i finally find the time. <3 cassy and stefanie just left <3. they are definitely high on the list of my favorite girls. stefanie picked up some pictures we took two nights ago while "finding emo". it was a great time. i'm thinking of ordering a hit on her bc shes so damn cute, and if stef has to go, cass does too. for sure.
xscreamngsilence (11:11:07 AM): you wore me out hard core
hahah pfffft.. talk amougst yourselves...
so, it's been brought to my attention that a good section of thing should be devoted to kevin because of the fact that hes so wonderful. he put this thing together based on everything i wanted on it. thanks kid... you're a dream. *thumbs up*
right now this thing isn't near as great looking as i'm hoping it will be later. i really need to learn how to use a computer, i'm technology illiterate and i admit it. should be interesting.
<3 suffocate me all you need
i wont breathe but its okay
you'll be somewhere around me
and i won't need air.
later |
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leterstwicetorn's journal
